Mind Your Bee's Wax

In the almost 14 months that I have been a parent I have learned a lot about people in general.  By nature, I am a serious people watcher.  In college, I took a Sociology course and when I learned that it was the study of people I was determined that I was going to major in that and make a career out of it.  Of course, there really isn't a job where you just study people all day and get paid so I gave up on that.  Now that I am staying home with my son, I have a lot more time to people watch then I did when I was sitting in a cube with no windows. 

Once you have a baby people think they can just talk to you about whatever, which really doesn't happen when you fly solo.  This phenominon also happens when you are pregnant.  I am a pretty small person generally speaking and I was also a small pregnant person.  That did not stop family members, co-workers or strangers from commenting on my size or weight though.  Never would you go up to a woman and say, "Wow you're really spreading out, huh?" or "You look better now that your face is so much fuller and rounder."  However, that does not stop people from saying things like that to pregnant women.  And in case you were wondering, those were actual things that people said to me.

The same is true when you are a parent.  For some reason everyone and their brother, including people without kids, feel like they can do better than you.  It is just a constant barrage of unsolicited advice and usually it is done indirectly.  I was on line at a store once while I was pregnant and the woman in front of me had a baby in a stroller.  Another woman with a little boy that was about 5 said to the new mom, "Your baby is adorable enjoy this time...before they can talk back."  Both the women shared a laugh.  Then another woman turned around and said, "I would hope that he isn't talking back to you because he is far too young for that sort of behavior."  I remember thinking, "jeez this nut has some nerve."  I soon realized that this is common practice.

Now I am not saying that I don't have opinions about what other people do with their kids.  However, I keep them to myself and then tell my husband and sister like a normal person.  I mean, unless someone is physically abusing a child or comes out and directly asks your opinion, just keep it to yourself.  Obviously, there are a ton of parenting styles and different options for raising children.  Some of the common debatables... Nursing vs Formula, Crib vs co-sleep, Cry-it-out or don't, vaccinate or don't, stay at home vs working...these are just a few of the heavy hitters. Keep in mind, each of those categories can be divided up into even more opinions.  My take on it is this: it is really hard when you become a parent.  It is a change of life that nothing can prepare you for, not reading books or research or baby-sitting or anything.  So whatever someone does that works for them and their family is the right option for them and everyone else should butt out.

People that have children should just remember how they felt when someone said things to them and people that don't have children...just wait.  It is so easy to say what you will or won't do when you become a parent but it is totally different when it happens.  I want to issue a formal apology to my sister for all the times I said things to her before I had children.  I always knew that she was doing a good job but I still made comments that I shouldn't have.  Funny thing is, pretty much everything that I ever said she shouldn't do...I do now.